I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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