remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
