We're like a lot better than the average bears
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
