one might say we're banned from that church
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
