I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
