I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
