I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
