??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
