So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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