so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
