can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
