New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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