i jhust puked up my retainher.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
