You just made me feel so damn special
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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