wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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