Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
