he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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