is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
