I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
