I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
