lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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