all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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