I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
