HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
