Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
