All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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