For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
