How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
