I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize