i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize