And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
