I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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