So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
