Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
