I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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