Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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