And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
