Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
