these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
