Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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