I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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