Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
