I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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