She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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