after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize