Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize