Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's blow job season.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
