We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize