she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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