There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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