remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
