I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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