Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
