There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
