mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
