All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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