This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
