So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
