I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
