I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
