they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize