please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
