Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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