I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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