Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
