I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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